Gerard and Robert
Thornhill, Canada/Detroit, MI
Married: May 1, 2010Match Date: October 23, 2009
"Oh, you're watching eHarmony!" my mom said one night. "It's just an ad," I told her. But when I went to my room that night, I thought, Why not? I'd recently broken up with my long-distance ex, and the ad said it was free, so what did I have to lose?
I signed up and answered the questions – all 20 million of them. I found it a bit annoying at first, but I had that sense of fulfillment in the end. I got to understand myself and think about what and who I really was -- from questions I didn't even think of asking myself. And though I didn’t want to fall short of expectations, I also didn’t want to promise more than what I could actually deliver.
After setting up my profile, I got matches from all over the world. Some people closed communication because I had not posted a photo, while others did not want to travel from downtown Toronto to the suburbs, where I live.
Then, in mid October, this guy from Michigan requested communication. Robert and I sent each other 5 important questions and found out we had much in common, particularly about starting a family and having kids. We share the same Christian values, even though we’re gay.
We emailed back and forth, getting to know each other, and then came texting and talking on the phone 2-3 hours every night. And in 2 weeks, we just knew that we were perfect for each other and became a couple. It didn’t matter to us that we hadn’t met face to face. We planned for Robert to visit end of January, when we figured his passport would come through.
I worried he might change his mind if we didn’t meet soon. I kept thinking about it. Then, the day after (U.S.) Thanksgiving, while I was in Chicago with my family, I told him as much. He’d been thinking the same thing, and so, unable to wait any longer, I flew straight to Detroit.
Outside the airport there he was, this big, tall, handsome guy (exactly my type and what I expected him to be), waiting next to his car. I ran to him and gave him a hug. Then we got into his car and finally kissed. The next 3 days we just enjoyed each other’s company. We shopped, went to the zoo, had a romantic dinner.
Since then, all our plans have included the other – work, school, career, travel, etc. He spent New Year’s with me and my family and visits every 2 weeks.
He proposed on January 26, his birthday. We’re planning an October wedding, but because it takes 10 – 12 weeks to get the marriage certificate necessary for the immigration process, we had a civil wedding in May. Both my parents and a friend were witnesses. It was the best day of my life.
We’re now planning our wedding. I’m doing the paperwork and the invitations by hand, and Robert’s in charge of the reception. It’s a bit stressful but we both know it’s worth it.
I’m so thankful to have found the man who completes me and accepts me for who I am. Thank God -- and thanks, eHarmony!
The day we finally met --November 29, 2009 -- I will never forget. I was so nervous. I couldn’t believe I felt this strongly about anyone, especially someone I hadn’t met face to face. I had never felt like this before, but something about this amazing man had started to chip away at the walls I’d built around my heart. And for the first time I was OK letting them down. Somehow I knew this man would never hurt me.
I got to the Detroit airport almost an hour early. When I saw Gerard for the first time I knew he was the one. He was the most beautiful man I had ever seen, and his beauty wasn’t just skin deep. He radiated warmth and kindness; he was what I had always dreamed of but never thought I could find. He ran and gave me a hug, and when we were in the car we shared a sweet but simple kiss. When I started to drive he leaned over, wrapped his arms around my arm, and held on, and I knew this was it.
The weekend went way too fast. When I took him to the airport I felt like the best part of me was leaving. The weeks ahead were tough away from each other, but we loved each other so much and couldn’t get enough talking on the phone and emailing. I was finally able to get away to Toronto for the best New Year’s ever, with the love of my life and my soon-to-be in-laws. Again it was hard to leave, but I’m blessed to work for a company that allowed me to travel to Toronto every other week for a couple of days.
January 26, 2010, was one of the best days of my life: I turned 32 and the love of my life said he would marry me. We immediately started planning the wedding and picked our perfect date: October 10, 2010. When we realized we’d need to start the immigration process earlier, we married in an intimate civil ceremony May 1, the best day of my life and the official start as a legally wed couple -- something I honestly never thought I’d be part of. Thanks, Canada, for allowing couples who love each other to be together.
As a couple we’ve experienced the normal minor ups and downs, but we’ve always known we were meant to be together and that God had prepared us for each other. Gerard truly loves me for who I am and through any past pain I might have brought to the relationship. We have always been 100% honest, we don’t keep secrets, and we don’t fear hurting each other.
To all of you who have thought of giving up on your search for true love, don’t. It’s out there looking for you and will find you when you’re truly ready to love and be loved. I’m living proof of that. Good luck; we’ll be praying that you find every happiness you deserve and the kind of love that we’ve found. The kind that makes me want to be a better person, a better spouse, and a better man.